All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
