OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
