K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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