pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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