Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Randomize
