In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
