I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I can't put those talents on a resume
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
