I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Randomize
