So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
