just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
