Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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