you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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