How do you wash franks red hot sauce, whip cream, grapejuice and shame out of silk?
I would just throw it away. You cant just wash out shame, it has to soak for like a month.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Randomize
