Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
