I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
