i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
