Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
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