he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
