i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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