WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
