u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
People in love make me want to vomit
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
