She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
