Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Randomize
