he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
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