I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
