I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think weed is turning my hair brown
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
Randomize
