She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
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