I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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