tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I need a burrito and a hug.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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