I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
