Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
