Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
