my mouth tastes like poor choices
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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