ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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