So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
