Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
and you fell through a lawn chair
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Randomize
