The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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