drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
