you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
