omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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