yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
