So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Randomize
