Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
