You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Randomize
