I smell stomach acid.
It was confusing and full of hummus
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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