I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
