Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
