my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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