Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
