He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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